Much like how some films stay on the shelf for months and years at a time because studios are too scared to release them or don't know how to sell them, I have a cache of blogs that I sit on that I really don't know what to do with. These are blogs about topics that I either can't exactly wax poetic about or things that I know will be a tough sell with readers. Sometimes blogs, much like movies just don't work no matter how much time and effort go into them. This is one such blog about one such movie.
I originally planned on writing about the 1994 Chris Elliot vehicle Cabin Boy months ago; around the time TIFF debuted their Tim Burton art exhibition at the Bell Lightbox. Burton (along with co-conspirator Denise Di Novi) produced the film after backing out as the production as a director. Burton's influence on the film can still be seen and felt on screen, but the real person who shines through in this production is writer/director Adam Resnick, who created such "memorable" and "divisive" films as Death to Smoochy and Lucky Numbers. This was the first outing for Resnick on screen after being a staff writer for Late Night with David Letterman back in the 80s and early 90s. After this film he would never direct again.
Why has it taken me so long to write about Cabin Boy? I really can't answer that other than by saying that it sucks in such a way that I didn't want to even think about it after I had watched it. Much like Disney did after seeing the final cut of the film, I filed it away and never wanted to think of it again. Despite numerous attempts at making Cabin Boy a bit of a cult film, I have not been able to even remotely see what the appeal of this tragically unfunny film is.
Cabin Boy opens in much the same way Heaven's Gate opens, with a bunch of people too old to be at a posh English academy acting far younger than they really are. It is time for the film's main character (notice I really hesitate to use the word "protagonist") Nathanial Mayweather, played by Chris Elliot in a performance about as divisive as Vincent Gallo, to graduate as a "fancy lad" and take up his position as the heir to a hotel empire in Hawaii. Right of the bat, three problems rise to the surface within the first five minutes; before the viewer can get to any of the "whimsy" that would have drawn a director like Burton to the film in the first place.
1. As a character, Nathaniel is so condescending that it just isn't funny. Condescension could be amusing when done right, but doing it every five minutes in a film that is essentially a piss take on Captain's Courageous is not the way to go. What sinks it is the fact that not once is Elliot, who co-wrote alongside Resnick, given anything even remotely funny to say. The film seems to think that Nataniel's misanthropy is enough to get audiences rolling in the aisles. They are astoundingly wrong. The few jokes that are uttered by Nathaniel are obvious and unfunny. They are just mean for the sake of being mean. After 17 minutes with this character I just could not take anymore and I stopped paying attention to anything he was doing.
2. Much like some of Burton's best films (Beetlejuice, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure) it is impossible to tell what time period this film takes place in, but Resnick never once uses anachronisms to any good effect. There is no reason or rhyme to having Nathaniel picked up from a 19th century academy in a modern limo and then transporting that character to a 17th century village with such modern amenities as sock monkeys and plastic toy wheelbarrows, and then to a VERY obvious sound stage made to look like a 16th century fishing vessel. Burton could make something visually compelling out of this, but with the inexperienced Resnick at the helm, it just looks like a mess.
3. This film seems like it is in such a hurry to get to make it to it's 80 minute running time that absolutely no context for anything is given. The lame comedy bits, however, are punishingly long as evidenced by one of the first scenes in the film. The audience first gets to see just how huge a prick Nathaniel is in a hat tipping class (taught by an uncredited actor who is so misused he should have been credited as Alfred Fucking Molina). Such a sequence would not have been out of place in a Gilliam film or in a Burton film, but here the audience is pounded for a full five minutes of Nathaniel laughing at himself, making fun of his classmates short comings in the most unfunny ways possible, and a dick joke.
After being booted from his limousine, Nathaniel takes a wrong turn on his way to Hawaii and ends up getting on a fishing vessel instead of the cruise ship he was expecting. He is pointed there by David Letterman in what might be the worst on screen cameos from a non-actor of all time. He doesn't even try to create a character, he laughs through his entire scene, and worst of all, I can't even tell if this was written this poorly or if Resnick just told Letterman to just do something funny. The whole film has this quality to it as if it just literally lurches around from set piece to set piece.
Instead of ending up on a pleasure cruise, Nathaniel ends up on a ship named The Filthy Whore (ho-ho-ho) full of old salts and assorted morons who all hate his guts because Nathaniel is a stuck up brat who wears a powdered Christening wig, gives himself facials, and has the balls to ask for bullion for dinner. Typical fish out of water stuff handled in the basest way possible with no reason to care or laugh. Nathaniel coaxes the ship's resident cabin boy and idiot (played by Andy Richter) to turn the ship towards Hawaii and away from the ship's catch. The plan backfires, the cabin boy dies in the storm, the ship ends up in a Bermuda Triangle like place known as Hell's Bucket, the crew hates him and they force him to work as the new cabin boy. By this point the film is already half over and I made the conscious decision to make a panini because there was no way I could see this film ever redeeming itself.
From here we are treated to various scenes of Nathaniel embarrassing himself and putting the crew of The Filthy Whore into various stages of jeopardy. The crew tries every dirty trick in the book to get rid of him or kill him. There is a giant floating cupcake that spits chewing tobacco, a half man/half shark that takes a liking to Nathaniel, a bit with a Harryhausen-esque Abominable snowman, Mike Starr as a giant in a suit who sells stereo equipment and wants to kill Nathaniel for having sex with his Vishnuu like wife, and other situations that looks like they could be funny or exciting on paper, but instead die a quiet and painfully unfunny death on screen. My interest in the film perked up ever so slightly when Melora Waters shows up as Nathaniel's love interest, a long distance swimmer/drifter, but she plays a character that is tough and smart one minute (a nice offset to the lumbering film she finds herself in) and is quickly turned into a blathering idiot less than ten minutes later.
And I race to the end of this blog because it really isn't working. I haven't really said much about the film. I feel like I have just described the look of pure vapor. This film fails at parody, camp, whimsy, high comedy, low comedy, and anything it even tries to attempt. Is that what makes this film funny? I really have to turn this one over to my readers who have actually seen this film. Is it funny? Is there something I am missing? Is there are certain degree of merit to a film that fails on every conceivable level? Much like the film itself, I just have no idea where else to go with this one.
Cabin Boy opens in much the same way Heaven's Gate opens, with a bunch of people too old to be at a posh English academy acting far younger than they really are. It is time for the film's main character (notice I really hesitate to use the word "protagonist") Nathanial Mayweather, played by Chris Elliot in a performance about as divisive as Vincent Gallo, to graduate as a "fancy lad" and take up his position as the heir to a hotel empire in Hawaii. Right of the bat, three problems rise to the surface within the first five minutes; before the viewer can get to any of the "whimsy" that would have drawn a director like Burton to the film in the first place.
1. As a character, Nathaniel is so condescending that it just isn't funny. Condescension could be amusing when done right, but doing it every five minutes in a film that is essentially a piss take on Captain's Courageous is not the way to go. What sinks it is the fact that not once is Elliot, who co-wrote alongside Resnick, given anything even remotely funny to say. The film seems to think that Nataniel's misanthropy is enough to get audiences rolling in the aisles. They are astoundingly wrong. The few jokes that are uttered by Nathaniel are obvious and unfunny. They are just mean for the sake of being mean. After 17 minutes with this character I just could not take anymore and I stopped paying attention to anything he was doing.
2. Much like some of Burton's best films (Beetlejuice, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure) it is impossible to tell what time period this film takes place in, but Resnick never once uses anachronisms to any good effect. There is no reason or rhyme to having Nathaniel picked up from a 19th century academy in a modern limo and then transporting that character to a 17th century village with such modern amenities as sock monkeys and plastic toy wheelbarrows, and then to a VERY obvious sound stage made to look like a 16th century fishing vessel. Burton could make something visually compelling out of this, but with the inexperienced Resnick at the helm, it just looks like a mess.
3. This film seems like it is in such a hurry to get to make it to it's 80 minute running time that absolutely no context for anything is given. The lame comedy bits, however, are punishingly long as evidenced by one of the first scenes in the film. The audience first gets to see just how huge a prick Nathaniel is in a hat tipping class (taught by an uncredited actor who is so misused he should have been credited as Alfred Fucking Molina). Such a sequence would not have been out of place in a Gilliam film or in a Burton film, but here the audience is pounded for a full five minutes of Nathaniel laughing at himself, making fun of his classmates short comings in the most unfunny ways possible, and a dick joke.
After being booted from his limousine, Nathaniel takes a wrong turn on his way to Hawaii and ends up getting on a fishing vessel instead of the cruise ship he was expecting. He is pointed there by David Letterman in what might be the worst on screen cameos from a non-actor of all time. He doesn't even try to create a character, he laughs through his entire scene, and worst of all, I can't even tell if this was written this poorly or if Resnick just told Letterman to just do something funny. The whole film has this quality to it as if it just literally lurches around from set piece to set piece.
Instead of ending up on a pleasure cruise, Nathaniel ends up on a ship named The Filthy Whore (ho-ho-ho) full of old salts and assorted morons who all hate his guts because Nathaniel is a stuck up brat who wears a powdered Christening wig, gives himself facials, and has the balls to ask for bullion for dinner. Typical fish out of water stuff handled in the basest way possible with no reason to care or laugh. Nathaniel coaxes the ship's resident cabin boy and idiot (played by Andy Richter) to turn the ship towards Hawaii and away from the ship's catch. The plan backfires, the cabin boy dies in the storm, the ship ends up in a Bermuda Triangle like place known as Hell's Bucket, the crew hates him and they force him to work as the new cabin boy. By this point the film is already half over and I made the conscious decision to make a panini because there was no way I could see this film ever redeeming itself.
From here we are treated to various scenes of Nathaniel embarrassing himself and putting the crew of The Filthy Whore into various stages of jeopardy. The crew tries every dirty trick in the book to get rid of him or kill him. There is a giant floating cupcake that spits chewing tobacco, a half man/half shark that takes a liking to Nathaniel, a bit with a Harryhausen-esque Abominable snowman, Mike Starr as a giant in a suit who sells stereo equipment and wants to kill Nathaniel for having sex with his Vishnuu like wife, and other situations that looks like they could be funny or exciting on paper, but instead die a quiet and painfully unfunny death on screen. My interest in the film perked up ever so slightly when Melora Waters shows up as Nathaniel's love interest, a long distance swimmer/drifter, but she plays a character that is tough and smart one minute (a nice offset to the lumbering film she finds herself in) and is quickly turned into a blathering idiot less than ten minutes later.
And I race to the end of this blog because it really isn't working. I haven't really said much about the film. I feel like I have just described the look of pure vapor. This film fails at parody, camp, whimsy, high comedy, low comedy, and anything it even tries to attempt. Is that what makes this film funny? I really have to turn this one over to my readers who have actually seen this film. Is it funny? Is there something I am missing? Is there are certain degree of merit to a film that fails on every conceivable level? Much like the film itself, I just have no idea where else to go with this one.
Thanks for putting into words many of my thoughts about this film. Great write-up.
ReplyDeleteShane
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